well, that is what I felt today when i spent the afternoon at barnes and noble. already re-ignited during my travels in Europe last spring when I spent copious amounts of time riding on trains, buses, planes, ferries and hostel beds, i have been thirsty for more parchment pages, uniform font and untold wonders of bound books. you can keep your nooks and kindles, give me a good old page turning, spined treasure over that tablet junk any day. call me old fashioned but, my 12 year old bookworm self would punch the 22year old version in my less pimply face if she knew i sold out. i know they have their convenience and my grandmother sure does love hers, but theyre just not for me.
anyways, as the new year has ushered in a resolution making frenzy for nearly anyone looking for an excuse to 'start over,' 'make changes', 'be a better person', stop me if im sounding cliche -- but its because its true. and as a member of this social media/digital generation-- constantly embracing change is what i am about. for right now anyway. as i was saying, this changing of the years for me personally has brought in quite a flood of emotions regarding things that are sooooo twothousand and ten.
but as such is life, i have kept some emotional baggage in my overhead compartment for far too long now and despite all my efforts to clear my head, start over and new and let some things go-- they have been clouding my mind even as january has begun. no matter how firmly i am rooted in my convictions that i deserve better, i am stronger, blah blah blah -- at the end of the day, im a girl. stuck at home over winter break. with nothing else to do but reflect. and thats a long lonely road to nowhere.
thankfully my morning started with a visit to the lady doctor. not sure how many people would say that, let alone type it into a blog, but im not a very private person and it makes the story that much more -- relatable maybe? but my lady doctor is a gem. before the whole -- well purpose of my visit could be conducted -- she wanted to catch up and asked me about how I was/how was france/ how is school. and then. she asked it. the million dollar question that i wish i could get a million dollars for every time someone asked me. whaaaat are you doing after you graduate?. kill me. not because i dont like conversing with people or because it isnt a completely valid question I myself have asked others hundreds of times. but because at this point, and yes this may be a late point, but i am just not sure yet. but because i trust my doc and shes so darn friendly-- i started to tell her about how i might go to paris for an internship program -- or do exporting from a winery in south africa -- or go bathe elephants in the jungles of thailand. and you would have thought she was my mother and i told her that i won the nobel peace prize, got into law school and was going to marry a kennedy. because she was just beaming with pride that i would take such an opportunity to go and do whatever i damn well pleased for a month, a year, who cares how long. and its odd-- the strength we find in winning other people's approvals. especially when these other people are practically strangers. which my doctor is in some senses and not in others.
but this profession of my life projections (oh i like that) led her to recall a patient she had in last week. one who quit her comfy job at GE to go live in hawaii for 3 months with her fiance. working in a hotels restaurant 3 days a week and staying/living in the hotel for free . BOOYAH. and she had mentioned a book -- Short Term Job Adventures -- which my doc so politely relayed onto me. during the rest of the exam we speculated on which jobs would be the coolest, where I could go and what i could do and i left that office with a better appreciation for lady doctors and a new directed life purpose and i headed straight for barnes and noble.
once there i managed to find one comfy chair left amongst other and older book browsers who i cant quite imagine why they arent at work or something. and i snuggled up with naked economics. and world changers: 25 entrepreneurs who changed business as we know it. and i couldnt have been happier. all of the things weighing heavy on my mind about my love life-- my career -- my family -- my friends -- my upcoming 5k -- all of that disappeared as i got absolutely lost in the pages of these inspiring and educational books.
once again, my life had a more clearer direction. ive always felt like ive atleast had a good heading for where i want to go in my life, but its as if this whole youth/adolescence is really just about clearing up your compass. making it so the glass enclosing the needle isnt too foggy so you can make out exactly the way the arrowhead is pointing you. and it just makes me wonder how the inspiration for such things can come in the strangest and most unsuspecting of places. it reminds me that my ears should always be tuned to new voices, my eyes should constantly be seeking new opportunities and my heart should never be closed to new possibilities.
